A belated birthday post!
It’s never too late to write your birthday post. But I will tell you it is symbolic of the state of my existence at this particular moment in time. This year for Kosta has been a year of transition. A transition out of school and into life, out of my parents house and into my own place, from paying for nothing to paying for everything, and from being in a relationship to miserably single.
The Balloon Project launched this year. I remember going to sleep for a nap that day. The launch was over at about eleven a.m. but I had been up since four, and I was exhausted. I took a nap and I dreamed of nothing, absolutely nothing.
After a full two years of chugging away at my project my mind took a well deserved moment to rest. And when I awoke– possibly three hours later– I remember crying. Great tears of happiness for my accomplishment and tears of sadness because there was no more project to keep me busy. I cried for all of the struggles of my past– the idea that I had been diagnosed as Bi-polar, the idea that I had been diagnosed as Attention Deficit. Those ideas that shaped so much of how I saw myself. Those ideas that no longer existed anymore. They had been overcome. In that moment I made the realization that all that junk in the past was gone and over. That I was someone completely different than a doctors diagnosis or prescribed pills. That every single self deprecating notion of who I thought I am was completely null and defunct. As my balloon lifted off it took away with it so much more than just a payload I had designed. It vindicated the things that I had thought about but had not yet chosen to believe: The fact that I am intelligent, the fact that I am capable, the fact that I am worthwhile.
I sit here and type this and I want to cry some more. It has been such a journey.
With the Balloon Project launched, a vindicated spirit, and zero finals to take during my last semester of my “formal” education I celebrated. A party was thrown in my honor and Balloon project enthusiasts and supporters poured into a small house in the heart of Camarillo. If I recall correctly I think I made out with three beautiful girls that night. Perhaps I’m not as shy as I thought…
And that story, the story of the Balloon Project, has been closed.
…and a brand new chapter has opened.
I think I was out of school for 1 month before I got my job. I had been in communication with SpaceX for a whole year before I was actually granted the opportunity to interview. Last summer I sent an e-mail to SpaceX asking for an internship. Thank God I didn’t get one! Those interns work so hard and get paid hardly anything! Fortunately I made a contact and I nursed it– I sent along progress of the Balloon Project and after the project was all said and done I sent a link to the brand new http://iamkosta.org.
I had an interview a few days later.
I don’t really know how to describe the time between the finale of the Balloon Project and the start of my new job. It’s been almost like a dream. Completely surreal. It’s has been like the dreams in my minds eye were slowly taken away from inside my head and laid out in front me. As if I controlled my destiny and everything I could think to ask for was mine. And I think that’s the way it is now. If I can imagine it I can make it. If I can dream it I can create it. I would encourage everyone to embrace the simple truth that our life is ours to use however we plan to use it. All we have to do is plan on using it. It is a tremendously empowering idea.
One of the last things I did before I left school was make thirty or so photo-copies of a document I had been writing for over four months. It was a manifesto of sorts, my revelations about schooling and the ideas I had to improve the process– ideas that would enable people like me to be successful in an environment where I think few would. I photocopied that document and bound it and I handed it out to every influential person on campus. The president, esteemed members of the faculty senate, the provost, all of the vice presidents… I ran out of photocopies and I made more. I hiked around finding mail boxes and chasing down people to tell them that I was leaving, and that I wanted to leave something for a school that had given me so much– even though I kind of had to steal it. I did have to steal my education.
The other day I was invited to come speak. I was called by two different people asking for me to come and talk about my experiences at school for incoming freshmen and parents. I wish I could have done it but I had to decline because of work. The next week the annual school alumni newsletter came out, a full color page detailing the balloon project. It would seem that the CSUCI’s aptly named “rebel without a cause” went from being the thorn in the side of many an administrator and faculty member to plain old all star student. It’s totally weird. I recall on graduation day a faculty member who openly criticized the balloon project citing “fiscal tyranny” congratulating me on my success. Quizzically i puzzled over the idea of being congratulated by this particular individual but I quickly thanked him, “I couldn’t have done it with you. Thank you so much for your help.”
And it was totally true, because if everyone believed in me than what’s the use. I’m about breaking the mold not fitting in it! The man who criticized also added in “I read your document. I wish education could be like that.” I agreed– then decided if he was buying into my work then it was officially done.
So my work, the chapter of my life in education is done. I gradumuated– I walked on stage and gave high fives to every VP and the president. I wore my orange pants. My parents went nuts. It was amazing. It’s over.
New work has started and now I pay for all sorts of ridiculous things that no one should have to pay for. Example: rent and car insurance. I asked a gentleman today what time he woke up to go to work, he responded: “4:30 in the morning.” I laughed out loud. It is incredible the things that real adults do. I guess I have a new appreciation for it… I wake up at 7:20 in the morning. It’s deplorable. And then I work until 8:00 p.m. Hopefully it’s only for this week. Change change change. I’m restarting… I’ve set even bigger loftier goals for myself at this stage in my life. We’ll see what becomes of them. I just bought a piece of land in Costa Rica. That’s part of my “become financially independent by the age of 28″ plan… I have to dispose of my disposable income somehow… If I lose it than I lose it, such is life. The whole working to live thing seems ridiculous. I want to work for fun and live for free.
And there’s another thing I want to do: I want to be the idea guy who follows through. I want to have the ability to take my dreams– whatever they may be– and turn them into reality. I don’t want to work, I want to keep dreaming. I’m going to keep dreaming.
I’m twenty two now, I’m actually twenty two and three days. The future is now. I’m excited.
With love,
Kosta
